bullshits   soul  
couldnt feel any worse

i tried so hard
to get better
to get over this
to forget it all
and move on
and i thought i was getting to the point
where i could say
'' wow im feeling alot better''
but right now, i couldnt feel
any worse

you fixed me

i love you
bcs you held my hand
when i was about to crumble
and somehow that held me together

i love you
bcs when i talk to you
i am me
not another broken girl thats always fragile and unfixable

i love you
bcs you let me see your lovely side
that you shut it out from anyone else

i love you
for your determination and your clear mind
i love you
for preventing me from hating myself
and shove all the blame in my own face

i love you
for having the strength to wriggle out of my grasp
just bfore i suffocated you

and someday,
maybe years from now
i will hear through your friends
that you're out there making your beautiful wife smile
or even your kids
maybe you'll forget me
but i wont

bcs you fixed me

you deserve to be happy

maybe i dont really love you
bcs they say
if you love someone
you'd want them to be happy
even if you're not the reason
they deserve to be happy
even if its with someone else

sure you deserve to be happy
but pls
not infront of me


pls do not call me
with sweet nicknames
bcs i cannot help myself
i will inhale your words and
swallow them and absorb them
into my veins and my arteries and
they will stick like honey
and burn like arsenic
bcs they are such

people leave

i dont like depending on people anymore
bcs people
all the fucking time
bcs at the end of the day
all i have is myself
and that has to be

you'd never come back

i dont like missing you
but i'll always do
i dont want to lose you
but i just did
and the hardest part of it all
is that i know
you'd never come back

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